








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 518 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 211 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 12 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5362 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,448 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4595 | 25% |
| Smokes | 7674 | 42% |
| HE Grenades | 3274 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2905 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,744,438 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 205 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FafnirV2 | 68% | 47 |
| #2 | Reginaldboons | 59% | 46 |
| #3 | Yakult | 55% | 205 |
| #4 | Fafnir | 54% | 362 |
| #5 | Prime | 53% | 400 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Prime | 53% | 400 |
| #6 | Balls n cider | 52% | 388 |
| #7 | Jelq Maxxing Sigma | 49% | 216 |
| #8 | oishi | 47% | 190 |
| #9 | ArchieTheGamer | 43% | 113 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Prime | 8 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | Yakult | 8 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Balls n cider | 6 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Jelq Maxxing Sigma | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Fafnir | 3 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fafnir | 1198 | 0.17 | 32 min |
| #2 | Prime | 478 | 0.06 | 11 min |
| #3 | Balls n cider | 446 | 0.06 | 12 min |
| #4 | Yakult | 230 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #5 | FafnirV2 | 161 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Reginaldboons | +2.47 | 74 | 63 |
| #2 | Prime | +2.44 | 68 | 46 |
| #3 | Yakult | +1.54 | 66 | 60 |
| #4 | Fafnir | +0.92 | 58 | 77 |
| #5 | FafnirV2 | +0.66 | 64 | 77 |





