








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 716 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Train | 148 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 144 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 127 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 119 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 88 matches | ||
| Premier | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8638 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 40,615 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12328 | 30% |
| Smokes | 8179 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 11177 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 8931 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $975,343 of utility $50 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 307 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yakult | 59% | 259 |
| #2 | Prime | 57% | 496 |
| #3 | Balls n cider | 55% | 630 |
| #4 | JuanSpeed25 | 54% | 362 |
| #5 | oishi | 52% | 328 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Balls n cider | 55% | 630 |
| #4 | JuanSpeed25 | 54% | 362 |
| #5 | oishi | 52% | 328 |
| #6 | Jelq Maxxing Sigma | 50% | 438 |
| #7 | ArchieTheGamer | 45% | 220 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JuanSpeed25 | 16 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Balls n cider | 9 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | Prime | 9 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Jelq Maxxing Sigma | 9 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Yakult | 8 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Balls n cider | 625 | 0.05 | 16 min |
| #2 | Prime | 497 | 0.05 | 12 min |
| #3 | JuanSpeed25 | 458 | 0.06 | 12 min |
| #4 | Yakult | 256 | 0.05 | 7 min |
| #5 | Jelq Maxxing Sigma | 143 | 0.02 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Prime | +2.53 | 70 | 45 |
| #2 | Yakult | +1.87 | 65 | 61 |
| #3 | Fafnir | +0.96 | 60 | 77 |
| #4 | Balls n cider | +0.95 | 50 | 57 |
| #5 | oishi | -0.22 | 55 | 31 |





