








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 217 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 46 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1470 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,325 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1398 | 32% |
| Smokes | 967 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 858 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1102 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $193,277 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 26 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blerg | 78% | 9 |
| #2 | xtios | 76% | 25 |
| #3 | spoder | 73% | 26 |
| #4 | Ryzn | 68% | 38 |
| #5 | Seppuku | 68% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | TreeeZzz | 67% | 6 |
| #9 | VagueDark | 65% | 17 |
| #10 | BigMatt | 60% | 25 |
| #11 | DJ Boggle | 50% | 10 |
| #12 | Ku | 50% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigMatt | 5 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | DJ Boggle | 3 | 0.0155 |
| #3 | pxnk | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Ryzn | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Ku | 2 | 0.0073 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pxnk | 228 | 0.26 | 6 min |
| #2 | Ryzn | 141 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #3 | Seppuku | 92 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #4 | blerg | 74 | 0.40 | 2 min |
| #5 | xtios | 64 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | StewDatabase | +5.63 | 87 | 49 |
| #2 | Skittle | +3.71 | 84 | 62 |
| #3 | xtios | +3.46 | 73 | 57 |
| #4 | spoder | +1.83 | 87 | 65 |
| #5 | Seppuku | +1.77 | 76 | 55 |





