








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1472 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,257 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 753 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1636 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1317 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1551 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $430,084 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jordan ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | Vad | 57% | 37 |
| #3 | ☆ DME | 56% | 27 |
| #4 | RELiNQUiSH | 53% | 17 |
| #5 | Tough Spudder | 51% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☆ DME | 3 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | MajorMatt | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Tough Spudder | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | ШidзSщiиg| MixolydianMatty | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Vad | 2 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jordan ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | +6.05 | 83 | 68 |
| #2 | House | +3.60 | 72 | 49 |
| #3 | RELiNQUiSH | +3.12 | 70 | 60 |
| #4 | Tough Spudder | +2.98 | 76 | 46 |
| #5 | ☆ DME | +1.82 | 58 | 42 |





