








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
591 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,316 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 330 | 25% |
| Smokes | 531 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 305 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 150 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $191,387 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jordan ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 81% | 16 |
| #2 | Αʀ | 67% | 12 |
| #3 | Vad | 60% | 42 |
| #4 | ШidзSщiиg| MixolydianMatty | 58% | 26 |
| #5 | Tough Spudder | 55% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Tough Spudder | 55% | 29 |
| #6 | House | 50% | 52 |
| #7 | Rocka | 39% | 41 |
| #8 | MajorMatt | 37% | 35 |
| #9 | ☠CLIT Eastwood☠ | 25% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rocka | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Vad | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | House | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | ☠CLIT Eastwood☠ | 1 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rocka | 47 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #2 | ШidзSщiиg| MixolydianMatty | 29 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | Vad | 28 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | Tough Spudder | 20 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | House | 18 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jordan ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | +4.78 | 75 | 67 |
| #2 | House | +3.04 | 61 | 50 |
| #3 | Tough Spudder | +3.04 | 76 | 56 |
| #4 | Αʀ | +2.64 | 78 | 70 |
| #5 | Vad | +1.10 | 61 | 67 |





