








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 268 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 284 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 77 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2736 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,462 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3961 | 23% |
| Smokes | 4001 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4597 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 4903 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $431,089 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dustonian | 62% | 26 |
| #2 | Shoddy RANDO | 53% | 43 |
| #3 | PastorDolph | 53% | 173 |
| #4 | de_iRicktastic | 49% | 138 |
| #5 | SPO | 48% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | de_iRicktastic | 15 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | ♿YhebYheb♿ | 7 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | PastorDolph | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Shoddy RANDO | 5 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | ALIMATRIX | 4 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PastorDolph | 719 | 0.20 | 20 min |
| #2 | de_iRicktastic | 478 | 0.17 | 13 min |
| #3 | Bot Rick | 114 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | ALIMATRIX | 112 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Shoddy RANDO | 110 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♿YhebYheb♿ | +5.68 | 84 | 50 |
| #2 | Shoddy RANDO | +3.10 | 54 | 68 |
| #3 | ALIMATRIX | +0.81 | 54 | 50 |
| #4 | Dragon | +0.35 | 54 | 44 |
| #5 | PastorDolph | -0.04 | 36 | 72 |





