








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2177 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 631 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 75 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




61 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6747 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,039 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6993 | 30% |
| Smokes | 5821 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4146 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 6079 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,895,699 of utility $203 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 229 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bot Rick | 64% | 36 |
| #2 | Dragon | 59% | 182 |
| #3 | Cheat-Ah Meow Meow | 57% | 49 |
| #4 | PastorDolph | 56% | 178 |
| #5 | Frosty | 54% | 154 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Nikolai❤ | 53% | 140 |
| #9 | ॐGokuॐ | 51% | 224 |
| #10 | SquirtEEZy | 48% | 216 |
| #11 | Just Kai | 44% | 36 |
| #12 | ALIMATRIX | 43% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SquirtEEZy | 34 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | ॐGokuॐ | 31 | 0.0066 |
| #3 | Nikolai❤ | 20 | 0.0069 |
| #4 | PastorDolph | 10 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | Cheat-Ah Meow Meow | 9 | 0.0091 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PastorDolph | 795 | 0.21 | 22 min |
| #2 | ॐGokuॐ | 609 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #3 | Frosty | 544 | 0.16 | 14 min |
| #4 | Nikolai❤ | 434 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #5 | SquirtEEZy | 361 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nikolai❤ | +2.28 | 56 | 65 |
| #2 | Shoddy RANDO | +1.49 | 52 | 66 |
| #3 | Frosty | +1.07 | 48 | 53 |
| #4 | ॐGokuॐ | +0.88 | 68 | 45 |
| #5 | Cheat-Ah Meow Meow | +0.64 | 51 | 70 |





