










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 559 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 37 matches | ||
| Wingman | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 61 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4892 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,684 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3479 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2497 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2431 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1277 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,192,075 of utility $267 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 950 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | 42 Phantom | 46% | 299 |
| #7 | Franklin SkuIIfuck | 46% | 377 |
| #8 | Frank Skallebank | 43% | 44 |
| #9 | Lord Woolsock | 41% | 44 |
| #10 | Lolismurf | 38% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Franklin SkuIIfuck | 28 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | ZiMAN | 19 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | 42 Phantom | 16 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Frank Skallebank | 6 | 0.0066 |
| #5 | Vladen the sexy rat | 4 | 0.0022 |





