








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 712 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 213 matches | ||
| Wingman | 114 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3875 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,868 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3180 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1558 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 3006 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1124 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,195,669 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 287 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vladen the sexy rat | 60% | 109 |
| #2 | ZiMAN | 54% | 121 |
| #3 | Frank Skallebank | 54% | 95 |
| #4 | Lord Woolsock | 52% | 365 |
| #5 | Pump | 49% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | sodium | 47% | 32 |
| #7 | 42 Phantom | 47% | 94 |
| #8 | Franklin SkuIIfuck | 47% | 62 |
| #9 | Janfeel ♛ | 41% | 41 |
| #10 | Jan Deag | 38% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lord Woolsock | 12 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | Vladen the sexy rat | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Frank Skallebank | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | ZiMAN | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | 42 Phantom | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lord Woolsock | 1141 | 0.17 | 28 min |
| #2 | ZiMAN | 288 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #3 | Vladen the sexy rat | 255 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #4 | Frank Skallebank | 236 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #5 | Franklin SkuIIfuck | 175 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vladen the sexy rat | +5.53 | 75 | 72 |
| #2 | Janfeel ♛ | +2.18 | 56 | 68 |
| #3 | sodium | +0.94 | 73 | 60 |
| #4 | ZiMAN | +0.55 | 79 | 56 |
| #5 | Frank Skallebank | +0.43 | 66 | 63 |





