








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1376 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 276 matches | ||
| Premier | 246 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 157 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9022 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 31,361 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11168 | 36% |
| Smokes | 7014 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 7052 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 6127 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,665,043 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 801 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cypher64 | 57% | 128 |
| #2 | Kohnert | 57% | 106 |
| #3 | πΎππ© | 53% | 113 |
| #4 | ZuLaN | 53% | 414 |
| #5 | Flap | 52% | 393 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | ZuLaN | 53% | 414 |
| #5 | Flap | 52% | 393 |
| #6 | Panda!? | 52% | 462 |
| #7 | hogan | 51% | 43 |
| #8 | DanWhoElse | 50% | 193 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZuLaN | 12 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Flap | 9 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | πΎππ© | 8 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Kohnert | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | DanWhoElse | 3 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZuLaN | 1928 | 0.22 | 51 min |
| #2 | Panda!? | 1478 | 0.15 | 36 min |
| #3 | DanWhoElse | 1377 | 0.33 | 39 min |
| #4 | Flap | 1139 | 0.13 | 33 min |
| #5 | πΎππ© | 688 | 0.28 | 22 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | πΎππ© | +1.39 | 72 | 74 |
| #2 | HunterCruzer | +1.23 | 81 | 65 |
| #3 | DanWhoElse | +1.22 | 75 | 81 |
| #4 | ZuLaN | +0.53 | 57 | 72 |
| #5 | Flap | +0.52 | 84 | 73 |





