








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 285 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 111 matches | ||
| Premier | 107 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 71 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2639 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,855 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4827 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3039 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 3492 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3497 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $630,324 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 32 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hogan | 62% | 45 |
| #2 | Kohnert | 59% | 88 |
| #3 | HunterCruzer | 57% | 128 |
| #4 | ZuLaN | 54% | 208 |
| #5 | Panda!? | 52% | 230 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Flap | 52% | 172 |
| #7 | chase | 50% | 24 |
| #8 | cancel | 47% | 70 |
| #9 | DanWhoElse | 47% | 32 |
| #10 | Jon64 | 42% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZuLaN | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Flap | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | HunterCruzer | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Jon64 | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Kohnert | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZuLaN | 805 | 0.19 | 20 min |
| #2 | HunterCruzer | 664 | 0.25 | 14 min |
| #3 | Panda!? | 565 | 0.12 | 14 min |
| #4 | Flap | 497 | 0.14 | 15 min |
| #5 | Kohnert | 277 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flap | +1.61 | 88 | 73 |
| #2 | HunterCruzer | +1.45 | 84 | 66 |
| #3 | DanWhoElse | +1.02 | 76 | 77 |
| #4 | ZuLaN | +0.66 | 61 | 71 |
| #5 | Kohnert | +0.52 | 73 | 65 |





