








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 149 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 218 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3197 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,805 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2470 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2054 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2409 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1872 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $984,597 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 94 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KsX | 73% | 22 |
| #2 | MR.JACKPOT | 57% | 23 |
| #3 | SMAQUILLE O'DEAL | 51% | 35 |
| #4 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 51% | 115 |
| #5 | NORSKIMEISTER | 51% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Mister Unpersistent | 47% | 152 |
| #7 | Poncho | 47% | 75 |
| #8 | Believing Walter | 46% | 153 |
| #9 | 95 oktan | 46% | 63 |
| #10 | ♥ JEFF ♥ | 39% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Believing Walter | 15 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Mister Unpersistent | 15 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | Poncho | 6 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | NORSKIMEISTER | 6 | 0.0073 |
| #5 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 5 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | 459 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #2 | Believing Walter | 293 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #3 | Mister Unpersistent | 232 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #4 | Poncho | 177 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #5 | 95 oktan | 110 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NORSKIMEISTER | +2.06 | 73 | 65 |
| #2 | MR.JACKPOT | +1.33 | 64 | 46 |
| #3 | Kaptein Sabelsatan | +1.08 | 75 | 57 |
| #4 | Mister Unpersistent | +0.68 | 72 | 50 |
| #5 | KsX | +0.65 | 80 | 60 |





