








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 30 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
507 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 785 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 199 | 25% |
| Smokes | 145 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 327 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 114 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $227,228 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vernik | 88% | 8 |
| #2 | TheDurpyOwl | 78% | 9 |
| #3 | sofumofu | 71% | 7 |
| #4 | bastian06 | 62% | 42 |
| #5 | emerbee | 56% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | emerbee | 56% | 54 |
| #6 | ivan biskela (jinwoo) | 54% | 56 |
| #7 | ¿spOoKē¡ | 52% | 52 |
| #8 | obsolescence | 50% | 36 |
| #9 | I AREN'T THINK THAT | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I AREN'T THINK THAT | 3 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | emerbee | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | ¿spOoKē¡ | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | TheDurpyOwl | 1 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | Vernik | 1 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | emerbee | 152 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | ¿spOoKē¡ | 113 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | ivan biskela (jinwoo) | 90 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | obsolescence | 84 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | bastian06 | 79 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bastian06 | +3.25 | 86 | 65 |
| #2 | Vernik | +3.14 | 77 | 37 |
| #3 | obsolescence | +2.57 | 70 | 71 |
| #4 | ivan biskela (jinwoo) | +2.16 | 66 | 66 |
| #5 | sofumofu | +1.64 | 86 | 58 |





