








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 958 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 266 matches | ||
| Wingman | 229 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5196 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,143 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 964 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1104 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 2355 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2720 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $854,733 of utility $72 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 255 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fatman XXL | 53% | 38 |
| #2 | Kivesmaister | 52% | 58 |
| #3 | ScaleCrow | 50% | 44 |
| #4 | WantSomeRice? | 50% | 70 |
| #5 | mummonmopo | 49% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | hey y'all Scott here | 44% | 188 |
| #9 | Niketiini | 44% | 133 |
| #10 | Hkne | 44% | 177 |
| #11 | Tassu | 42% | 192 |
| #12 | Lapanen | 26% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tassu | 19 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | Hkne | 12 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | mummonmopo | 10 | 0.0058 |
| #4 | Niketiini | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Mane$I | 4 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tassu | 472 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #2 | Mane$I | 356 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #3 | Niketiini | 270 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #4 | Late | 222 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #5 | Hkne | 221 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kivesmaister | +3.65 | 74 | 71 |
| #2 | Niketiini | +3.63 | 72 | 66 |
| #3 | pepsiman | +2.03 | 54 | 33 |
| #4 | fatman XXL | +0.79 | 59 | 33 |
| #5 | Tassu | +0.73 | 62 | 62 |





