








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
356 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 859 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 352 | 41% |
| Smokes | 226 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 155 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 126 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $64,596 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | RedEye | 50% | 2 |
| #6 | 狗石丹 | 50% | 4 |
| #7 | Panda | 38% | 21 |
| #8 | Hermietkreeft 🦀 | 33% | 3 |
| #9 | BliksemBliksemBoeman | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hugo | 1 | 0.0147 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Panda | 59 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #2 | daniel.vonk | 25 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | BliksemBliksemBoeman | 18 | 0.22 | 0 min |
| #4 | 狗石丹 | 13 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | De Zeewier Snuivende Zeekoe | 8 | 0.12 | 0 min |





