










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
719 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,542 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 265 | 17% |
| Smokes | 351 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 504 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 422 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $587,456 of utility $297 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | booted | 49% | 45 |
| #6 | phrog | 48% | 56 |
| #7 | Jesse Pinkman | 44% | 62 |
| #8 | Daddy | 38% | 8 |
| #9 | 𝚅𝔞𝔩𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔯 | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jesse Pinkman | 9 | 0.0077 |
| #2 | phrog | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | booted | 4 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Corwin | 2 | 0.0093 |
| #5 | 𝚅𝔞𝔩𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔯 | 1 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jesse Pinkman | 178 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #2 | booted | 119 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | phrog | 104 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | dray-k | 57 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #5 | Corwin | 29 | 0.13 | 1 min |





