










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 120 matches | 1,791 | |
| Premier | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1029 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,575 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 247 | 10% |
| Smokes | 375 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 910 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 1043 | 41% |
Our logs show you have wasted $977,048 of utility $242 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 568 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Luke:> | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | magibob | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | Bjorna | 49% | 45 |
| #4 | KAYGO | 47% | 36 |
| #5 | s1k | 47% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | ✪ Hoppin | 47% | 166 |
| #7 | pazzy | 47% | 45 |
| #8 | ✪ Aspeladden | 44% | 32 |
| #9 | J-Mark | 37% | 57 |
| #10 | Christina ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 17% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Hoppin | 21 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | J-Mark | 6 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | Bjorna | 6 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | pazzy | 6 | 0.0059 |
| #5 | KAYGO | 5 | 0.0062 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Hoppin | 624 | 0.17 | 17 min |
| #2 | KAYGO | 142 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #3 | Bjorna | 112 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | pazzy | 101 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | ✪ Aspeladden | 70 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Luke:> | +8.39 | 93 | 65 |
| #2 | pazzy | +4.16 | 93 | 47 |
| #3 | ✪ Hoppin | +3.90 | 92 | 68 |
| #4 | magibob | +2.80 | 85 | 63 |
| #5 | s1k | +2.24 | 71 | 45 |





