








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 590 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 197 matches | ||
| Premier | 143 matches | ||
| Esplay | 72 matches | 1,982 | |
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6678 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,752 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1992 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1474 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 2810 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2476 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,379,605 of utility $224 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 254 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Knekkern | 62% | 26 |
| #2 | Jokoor | 54% | 78 |
| #3 | Bjorna | 53% | 173 |
| #4 | s1k | 52% | 69 |
| #5 | pazzy | 50% | 126 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | brew | 47% | 66 |
| #10 | ✪ Aspeladden | 42% | 55 |
| #11 | BB | Kiddinho | 41% | 27 |
| #12 | (ɔıʇsɐqɯoᙠ)ɐɐɐɐɐɹO | 39% | 38 |
| #13 | Ingrid ♡ | 37% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pazzy | 17 | 0.0061 |
| #2 | ✪ Hoppin | 16 | 0.0071 |
| #3 | Jokoor | 6 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | Bjorna | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | ✪ Aspeladden | 4 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Hoppin | 428 | 0.19 | 13 min |
| #2 | pazzy | 311 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #3 | Bjorna | 258 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #4 | Ruby Rose | 157 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | ✪ Aspeladden | 156 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pazzy | +3.86 | 96 | 52 |
| #2 | ✪ Hoppin | +2.62 | 90 | 68 |
| #3 | Knekkern | +2.41 | 63 | 66 |
| #4 | BB | Kiddinho | +2.01 | 82 | 74 |
| #5 | nahooj | +1.69 | 78 | 51 |





