








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 255 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 32 matches | 1,854 | |
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
764 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,270 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1292 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1142 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 778 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1058 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $202,977 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 520 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ALEX | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | ✪ Hoppin | 60% | 53 |
| #3 | drengr | 57% | 7 |
| #4 | elOoo | 56% | 9 |
| #5 | ✪ Aspeladden | 56% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Hoppin | 6 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | J-Mark | 2 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | elOoo | 2 | 0.0119 |
| #4 | ALEX | 2 | 0.0132 |
| #5 | Ingrid ♡ | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Hoppin | 217 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #2 | mightyLELE` | 69 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #3 | Aco | 65 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | pazzy | 51 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jorsett | 46 | 0.25 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Hoppin | +4.41 | 92 | 70 |
| #2 | pazzy | +4.25 | 95 | 59 |
| #3 | Aco | +2.99 | 64 | 66 |
| #4 | McLovin123 | +1.54 | 83 | 49 |
| #5 | Jorsett | +1.50 | 63 | 64 |





