








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 78 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 235 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2070 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,248 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2591 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1898 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2243 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1516 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $608,299 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Marco Dongavitch | 49% | 182 |
| #2 | Lamp | 48% | 21 |
| #3 | champs that dog | 46% | 223 |
| #4 | Rigby | 43% | 136 |
| #5 | Professional Bill Gates | 43% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Lamp | 48% | 21 |
| #3 | champs that dog | 46% | 223 |
| #4 | Rigby | 43% | 136 |
| #5 | Professional Bill Gates | 43% | 21 |
| #6 | projarsniper | 37% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Marco Dongavitch | 13 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Rigby | 8 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | champs that dog | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | projarsniper | 4 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | champs that dog | 367 | 0.08 | 9 min |
| #2 | Marco Dongavitch | 365 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #3 | Rigby | 126 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | projarsniper | 98 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | Lamp | 55 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Marco Dongavitch | +3.73 | 70 | 54 |
| #2 | Professional Bill Gates | +0.61 | 54 | 25 |
| #3 | Rigby | +0.39 | 48 | 50 |
| #4 | Lamp | -0.03 | 46 | 67 |
| #5 | champs that dog | -0.51 | 42 | 45 |





