








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 61 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 237 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2322 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,459 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 682 | 12% |
| Smokes | 2805 | 51% |
| HE Grenades | 1165 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 807 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,089,054 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 36 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeremy Wade | 47% | 133 |
| #2 | champs that dog | 45% | 159 |
| #3 | Lou Sassle | 45% | 218 |
| #4 | Dave Hester | 43% | 21 |
| #5 | Lou Skunt | 42% | 123 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Lou Sassle | 45% | 218 |
| #4 | Dave Hester | 43% | 21 |
| #5 | Lou Skunt | 42% | 123 |
| #6 | Josh | 42% | 107 |
| #7 | K1NG | 38% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lou Sassle | 14 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Lou Skunt | 13 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | K1NG | 9 | 0.0078 |
| #4 | Jeremy Wade | 7 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Josh | 5 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeremy Wade | 312 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #2 | Lou Skunt | 285 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #3 | Lou Sassle | 279 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #4 | Josh | 276 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #5 | champs that dog | 259 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeremy Wade | +2.68 | 67 | 49 |
| #2 | 8 By 6 | +0.51 | 52 | 28 |
| #3 | Lou Sassle | -0.11 | 41 | 42 |
| #4 | K1NG | -0.29 | 65 | 40 |
| #5 | Dave Hester | -0.79 | 52 | 45 |





