








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 375 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2505 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,225 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3080 | 25% |
| Smokes | 3905 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 3255 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1985 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,305,896 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 65 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Josh | 49% | 134 |
| #2 | champs that dog | 47% | 234 |
| #3 | K1NG | 46% | 37 |
| #4 | Lou Sassle | 46% | 274 |
| #5 | Jeremy Wade | 45% | 180 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | K1NG | 46% | 37 |
| #4 | Lou Sassle | 46% | 274 |
| #5 | Jeremy Wade | 45% | 180 |
| #6 | 8 By 6 | 42% | 123 |
| #7 | Dave Hester | 37% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lou Sassle | 14 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Jeremy Wade | 14 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | 8 By 6 | 10 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | Josh | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | K1NG | 3 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeremy Wade | 422 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #2 | Lou Sassle | 409 | 0.07 | 11 min |
| #3 | champs that dog | 409 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #4 | Josh | 311 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #5 | Dave Hester | 201 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jeremy Wade | +3.00 | 65 | 50 |
| #2 | 8 By 6 | +0.23 | 50 | 27 |
| #3 | Lou Sassle | -0.03 | 39 | 42 |
| #4 | K1NG | -0.05 | 64 | 42 |
| #5 | Josh | -0.30 | 43 | 62 |





