








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 37 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2459 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,681 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2113 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1863 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 3069 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 1636 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $346,167 of utility $62 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 40 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bobby butthole | 29 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | Kristyboi | 16 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | Interment | 10 | 0.0097 |
| #4 | aleXé =DDD | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | E-tRaX | 4 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aleXé =DDD | 661 | 0.19 | 15 min |
| #2 | bobby butthole | 474 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #3 | E-tRaX | 349 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #4 | Kristyboi | 265 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #5 | Interment | 235 | 0.23 | 6 min |





