








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1048 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 25 matches | ||
| Wingman | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5498 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,228 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2308 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1360 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 4150 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 3410 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,104,394 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 638 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | bobby butthole | 55% | 292 |
| #7 | aleXé =DDD | 53% | 287 |
| #8 | Luzny | 52% | 138 |
| #9 | BusiG | 50% | 149 |
| #10 | toaster oven | 44% | 88 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bobby butthole | 49 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | Interment | 30 | 0.0086 |
| #3 | E-tRaX | 26 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | aleXé =DDD | 13 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | BusiG | 10 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | E-tRaX | 1195 | 0.19 | 35 min |
| #2 | aleXé =DDD | 1112 | 0.19 | 29 min |
| #3 | Interment | 633 | 0.18 | 17 min |
| #4 | Luzny | 593 | 0.21 | 13 min |
| #5 | bobby butthole | 547 | 0.09 | 13 min |





