








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 952 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 456 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 115 matches | ||
| Faceit | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7977 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,839 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6243 | 35% |
| Smokes | 4730 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3086 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 3780 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,668,680 of utility $118 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1200 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 444 | 88% | 49 |
| #2 | parasyte | 84% | 61 |
| #3 | hopoverhoodofjaguarlikeajaguar | 82% | 77 |
| #4 | beastcat | 81% | 154 |
| #5 | nate | 79% | 110 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hopoverhoodofjaguarlikeajaguar | 8 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | BuSheeZy | 6 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | nate | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | redtext | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | thanny | 5 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BuSheeZy | 779 | 0.30 | 20 min |
| #2 | cricks | 655 | 0.26 | 16 min |
| #3 | redtext | 541 | 0.17 | 15 min |
| #4 | beastcat | 440 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #5 | nate | 273 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | thanny | +3.71 | 86 | 58 |
| #2 | redtext | +3.61 | 78 | 65 |
| #3 | NDB | +2.62 | 86 | 57 |
| #4 | ツ Scout ツ | +2.32 | 89 | 57 |
| #5 | 444 | +2.26 | 65 | 61 |





