








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 770 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 378 matches | ||
| Faceit | 121 matches | ||
| Wingman | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5625 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,960 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6936 | 29% |
| Smokes | 6233 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 6057 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 4734 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,396,012 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1775 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | macepts | 88% | 57 |
| #2 | Zoker | 87% | 77 |
| #3 | Primal | 86% | 50 |
| #4 | zaq | 86% | 71 |
| #5 | Commie Clapper | 86% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | redtext | 78% | 89 |
| #14 | nate | 77% | 106 |
| #15 | parasyte | 76% | 152 |
| #16 | VIdeo_Camera | 76% | 66 |
| #17 | jishoa | 74% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | parasyte | 13 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | hopoverhoodofjaguarlikeajaguar | 12 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | 444 | 7 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | nate | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | NDB | 5 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cricks | 632 | 0.25 | 14 min |
| #2 | NDB | 499 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #3 | hopoverhoodofjaguarlikeajaguar | 362 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #4 | 444 | 334 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #5 | redtext | 297 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | macepts | +4.84 | 84 | 67 |
| #2 | Zoker | +4.67 | 87 | 66 |
| #3 | redtext | +3.52 | 74 | 69 |
| #4 | Nick | +3.49 | 61 | 65 |
| #5 | Jamba Juice | +3.14 | 83 | 64 |





