








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 22 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1684 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,259 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1420 | 27% |
| Smokes | 906 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 1387 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1546 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $594,579 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 72 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ubby | 76% | 58 |
| #2 | Hernando Gonzalez | 67% | 27 |
| #3 | Count Chonkulous | 63% | 24 |
| #4 | Jarry | 60% | 30 |
| #5 | Rhystart | 58% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 23 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | Ubby | 16 | 0.0142 |
| #3 | Hernando Gonzalez | 10 | 0.0193 |
| #4 | Monkey Mæn | 8 | 0.0104 |
| #5 | Kanine Beowulf | 8 | 0.0132 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 448 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #2 | Ubby | 324 | 0.29 | 9 min |
| #3 | Rhystart | 189 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #4 | Brando™ | 139 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | Hernando Gonzalez | 116 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ubby | +4.37 | 78 | 76 |
| #2 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | +1.91 | 77 | 57 |
| #3 | Rhystart | +1.56 | 73 | 63 |
| #4 | Hernando Gonzalez | +1.53 | 71 | 59 |
| #5 | glaZ | +1.43 | 82 | 64 |





