








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 53 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 114 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 40 matches | ||
| Premier | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




52 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3131 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,051 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4356 | 33% |
| Smokes | 3732 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2099 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2864 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $579,136 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 212 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 56% | 167 |
| #2 | Kanine Beowulf | 55% | 120 |
| #3 | key jingler | 55% | 31 |
| #4 | glaZ | 51% | 205 |
| #5 | Lloyd | 50% | 135 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 38 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | Kanine Beowulf | 28 | 0.0120 |
| #3 | Lloyd | 24 | 0.0096 |
| #4 | glaZ | 18 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | idkcatto | 3 | 0.0075 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | glaZ | 1025 | 0.26 | 28 min |
| #2 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 664 | 0.20 | 14 min |
| #3 | Kanine Beowulf | 407 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #4 | Lloyd | 386 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #5 | Kingrillz | 104 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | glaZ | +3.98 | 84 | 65 |
| #2 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | +2.69 | 76 | 55 |
| #3 | Kanine Beowulf | +1.31 | 62 | 59 |
| #4 | Kingrillz | +0.58 | 73 | 55 |
| #5 | Lloyd | +0.35 | 57 | 59 |





