








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 81 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




49 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1651 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,967 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1205 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1031 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1271 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1460 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $961,247 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 29 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ubby | 63% | 70 |
| #2 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 57% | 86 |
| #3 | Count Chonkulous | 57% | 44 |
| #4 | Kingrillz | 53% | 40 |
| #5 | Rhystart | 50% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ubby | 23 | 0.0165 |
| #2 | Hernando Gonzalez | 22 | 0.0251 |
| #3 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 17 | 0.0103 |
| #4 | Rhystart | 10 | 0.0067 |
| #5 | vanilly manilly | 9 | 0.0172 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ubby | 465 | 0.33 | 13 min |
| #2 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 285 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #3 | Rhystart | 266 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #4 | uh | 207 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #5 | Hernando Gonzalez | 175 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ubby | +5.09 | 77 | 71 |
| #2 | Rhystart | +3.27 | 73 | 64 |
| #3 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | +2.47 | 79 | 54 |
| #4 | Mythos | +2.33 | 65 | 46 |
| #5 | gypsy penjamin | +1.73 | 51 | 50 |





