








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 516 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3748 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,676 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3040 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2527 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3213 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2896 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $808,479 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 112 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Count Chonkulous | 64% | 45 |
| #2 | Ubby | 64% | 94 |
| #3 | Brando™ | 63% | 19 |
| #4 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 62% | 200 |
| #5 | Kingrillz | 58% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 32 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | Ubby | 32 | 0.0170 |
| #3 | Hernando Gonzalez | 25 | 0.0246 |
| #4 | Monkey Mæn | 19 | 0.0128 |
| #5 | vanilly manilly | 14 | 0.0245 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | 659 | 0.16 | 14 min |
| #2 | Ubby | 546 | 0.29 | 16 min |
| #3 | Lt. Dee Snuts | 208 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #4 | Hernando Gonzalez | 179 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | Count Chonkulous | 160 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ubby | +4.51 | 75 | 72 |
| #2 | Rhystart | +3.03 | 73 | 64 |
| #3 | Maximus Decimus Meridius | +2.16 | 72 | 54 |
| #4 | glaZ | +1.62 | 82 | 53 |
| #5 | Hernando Gonzalez | +0.58 | 61 | 51 |





