








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 19 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
538 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,846 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 685 | 24% |
| Smokes | 639 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 808 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 714 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $215,389 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MyKeys | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | slayrisk | 80% | 5 |
| #3 | 333 | 60% | 5 |
| #4 | ☁I AM BUSH☁ | 56% | 9 |
| #5 | tmoe | 55% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Mortem Angelus | 50% | 6 |
| #9 | Saalvo | 50% | 46 |
| #10 | Ugandan Kuckles | 47% | 19 |
| #11 | High Kid | 38% | 8 |
| #12 | Gameable | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Saalvo | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | purps | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | ☁I AM BUSH☁ | 1 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Saalvo | 183 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #2 | purps | 66 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | tmoe | 53 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #4 | d4rk | 40 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | Ugandan Kuckles | 34 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MyKeys | +2.26 | 83 | 62 |
| #2 | High Kid | +1.61 | 74 | 60 |
| #3 | tmoe | +0.91 | 48 | 67 |
| #4 | coolmemesbudd | +0.58 | 56 | 69 |
| #5 | Saalvo | +0.56 | 63 | 75 |





