








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 335 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 392 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3198 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,390 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2329 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2358 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2964 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1739 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,558,341 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 718 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MyKeys | 66% | 35 |
| #2 | FluxZ | 58% | 24 |
| #3 | Saalvo | 58% | 50 |
| #4 | d4rk | 58% | 76 |
| #5 | 333 | 55% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | d4rk | 58% | 76 |
| #5 | 333 | 55% | 33 |
| #6 | High Kid | 52% | 46 |
| #7 | coolmemesbudd | 51% | 37 |
| #8 | Ugandan Kuckles | 50% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 333 | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | d4rk | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | High Kid | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | coolmemesbudd | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Ugandan Kuckles | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | d4rk | 325 | 0.20 | 9 min |
| #2 | Saalvo | 228 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #3 | Ugandan Kuckles | 124 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #4 | 333 | 122 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #5 | MyKeys | 117 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MyKeys | +3.65 | 81 | 60 |
| #2 | coolmemesbudd | +1.57 | 58 | 67 |
| #3 | FluxZ | +1.51 | 69 | 64 |
| #4 | d4rk | +1.14 | 59 | 79 |
| #5 | Saalvo | +0.99 | 59 | 73 |





