








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 111 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 111 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1570 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,175 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1434 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1189 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 609 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 943 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $428,290 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 133 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ze pump | 76% | 25 |
| #2 | stazzz | 75% | 8 |
| #3 | goofy ah | 67% | 24 |
| #4 | RubB :}- | 66% | 29 |
| #5 | KingZeus | 65% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | liam | 48% | 25 |
| #13 | Zoker | 40% | 10 |
| #14 | gadfly | 36% | 11 |
| #15 | Buddy | 33% | 9 |
| #16 | Crimson | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zoker | 5 | 0.0229 |
| #2 | TeXaSs^ | 2 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | conq | 2 | 0.0098 |
| #4 | stazzz | 2 | 0.0113 |
| #5 | Sanzh1k33 | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | liam | 191 | 0.35 | 5 min |
| #2 | ze pump | 121 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #3 | aelor | 114 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #4 | RubB :}- | 109 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | KingZeus | 103 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zoker | +2.86 | 74 | 66 |
| #2 | Yellow Flash | +2.58 | 90 | 62 |
| #3 | stazzz | +1.75 | 77 | 50 |
| #4 | conq | +0.81 | 83 | 54 |
| #5 | Grimblee | +0.67 | 88 | 73 |





