








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 124 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2341 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,541 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2157 | 33% |
| Smokes | 824 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 2099 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1461 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $352,694 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hannibal | 69% | 13 |
| #2 | RNG | 58% | 31 |
| #3 | maxiepup | 56% | 32 |
| #4 | Detroit Beatdown | 54% | 76 |
| #5 | One n' Nineteen More | 50% | 119 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | maxiepup | 56% | 32 |
| #4 | Detroit Beatdown | 54% | 76 |
| #5 | One n' Nineteen More | 50% | 119 |
| #6 | Gnnorchi Soup | 48% | 50 |
| #7 | Dill pickle | 44% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Detroit Beatdown | 8 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | Gnnorchi Soup | 8 | 0.0077 |
| #3 | Dill pickle | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | RNG | 3 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | One n' Nineteen More | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | One n' Nineteen More | 329 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #2 | Detroit Beatdown | 314 | 0.23 | 8 min |
| #3 | RNG | 115 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #4 | Dill pickle | 72 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | Gnnorchi Soup | 51 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Detroit Beatdown | +6.22 | 83 | 69 |
| #2 | RNG | +3.45 | 78 | 57 |
| #3 | Capt. NeBeal | +1.27 | 68 | 58 |
| #4 | One n' Nineteen More | +0.10 | 68 | 71 |
| #5 | Hannibal | -0.48 | 52 | 58 |





