








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 735 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 405 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 116 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 111 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




248 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5459 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,347 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9360 | 65% |
| Smokes | 1287 | 9% |
| HE Grenades | 2172 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1528 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,063,493 of utility $46 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1883 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RNG | 54% | 63 |
| #2 | Detroit Beatdown | 47% | 582 |
| #3 | One n' Nineteen More | 46% | 147 |
| #4 | Dill pickle | 42% | 109 |
| #5 | Gnnorchi Soup | 41% | 116 |





