








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 756 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 522 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 44 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6282 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,704 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9265 | 39% |
| Smokes | 5061 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 6990 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2388 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,479,067 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 174 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hannibal | 59% | 54 |
| #2 | RNG | 54% | 74 |
| #3 | Detroit Beatdown | 53% | 274 |
| #4 | Capt. NeBeal | 50% | 119 |
| #5 | Dill pickle | 47% | 224 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Detroit Beatdown | 29 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | Capt. NeBeal | 24 | 0.0099 |
| #3 | Gnnorchi Soup | 19 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | Dill pickle | 17 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | RNG | 9 | 0.0062 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Detroit Beatdown | 1286 | 0.24 | 32 min |
| #2 | Dill pickle | 323 | 0.07 | 8 min |
| #3 | RNG | 320 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #4 | Capt. NeBeal | 243 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #5 | maxiepup | 211 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Detroit Beatdown | +5.33 | 85 | 70 |
| #2 | RNG | +4.31 | 85 | 58 |
| #3 | Capt. NeBeal | +1.53 | 65 | 60 |
| #4 | One n' Nineteen More | -0.41 | 68 | 70 |
| #5 | Gnnorchi Soup | -1.17 | 40 | 35 |





