








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 573 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 220 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 199 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 115 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4515 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,559 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4808 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2635 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 3408 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3708 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,760,888 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 338 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Papa Sam✫ | 56% | 45 |
| #2 | R1chard | 46% | 292 |
| #3 | Bärk | 45% | 66 |
| #4 | tumeegod | 45% | 447 |
| #5 | Pepe | 44% | 479 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mr | 60 | 0.0129 |
| #2 | Pepe | 43 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | Nysky | 37 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | R1chard | 24 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | tumeegod | 22 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tumeegod | 2925 | 0.33 | 79 min |
| #2 | mr | 1569 | 0.34 | 31 min |
| #3 | Nysky | 1436 | 0.19 | 25 min |
| #4 | Pepe | 1199 | 0.13 | 25 min |
| #5 | R1chard | 912 | 0.15 | 20 min |





