








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 239 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 200 matches | ||
| Faceit | 38 matches | ||
| Esplay | 12 matches | 1,773 | |
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Renown | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3210 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,453 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5417 | 40% |
| Smokes | 4305 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1423 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 2308 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $816,828 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 246 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Juklerød | 67% | 24 |
| #2 | Kruger | 67% | 27 |
| #3 | DanielSeljen | 65% | 37 |
| #4 | Muffinmeistro | 61% | 18 |
| #5 | Kaptein Sabeltann | 58% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ràmon | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Hanna♡ | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | S0kken | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Kaptein Sabeltann | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Juklerød | 2 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lord Tøffluz | 245 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #2 | Ràmon | 221 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | S0kken | 178 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | Kruger | 157 | 0.28 | 5 min |
| #5 | Kaptein Sabeltann | 137 | 0.11 | 2 min |





