










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 46 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
276 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 813 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 247 | 30% |
| Smokes | 151 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 211 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 204 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $104,900 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A B S 1 C H T Jr. | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Spray Charles Jr. | 100% | 5 |
| #3 | L-Capowned Jr. | 80% | 5 |
| #4 | Quid PRO Quo Sr. | 67% | 6 |
| #5 | Donkey Jr. | 50% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | A B S 1 C H T Sr. | 50% | 2 |
| #8 | Charles von Sprayhausen V. | 50% | 2 |
| #9 | Ad0nis der Bäinis V. | 50% | 2 |
| #10 | Donkey Sr. | 50% | 4 |
| #11 | John Porno V. | 50% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Quid PRO Quo Sr. | 14 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| #2 | A B S 1 C H T Jr. | 8 | 0.21 | 0 min |
| #3 | John Porno V. | 7 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #4 | Donkey Sr. | 6 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | Donkey Jr. | 6 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spray Charles Jr. | +10.97 | 67 | 51 |
| #2 | A B S 1 C H T Jr. | +9.10 | 76 | 43 |
| #3 | Donkey Jr. | +6.30 | 75 | 62 |
| #4 | Jerkstar Jr. | +3.24 | 62 | 65 |
| #5 | L-Capowned Jr. | +2.93 | 54 | 58 |





