








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 77 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
431 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,031 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 296 | 29% |
| Smokes | 217 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 285 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 233 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $131,265 of utility $183 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Aspekt_347 | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | Charles von Sprayhausen Sr. | 100% | 8 |
| #3 | Jerkstar Sr. | 82% | 11 |
| #4 | Ad0nis der Bäinis Sr. | 67% | 3 |
| #5 | Jerkstar Jr. | 67% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Jerkstar Sr. | 82% | 11 |
| #4 | Ad0nis der Bäinis Sr. | 67% | 3 |
| #5 | Jerkstar Jr. | 67% | 6 |
| #6 | Charles von Sprayhausen V. | 67% | 6 |
| #7 | Baron John Porno Sr. | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jerkstar Jr. | 24 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #2 | Charles von Sprayhausen Sr. | 17 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| #3 | Jerkstar Sr. | 11 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #4 | Baron John Porno Sr. | 9 | 0.17 | 0 min |
| #5 | Ad0nis der Bäinis Sr. | 6 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ad0nis der Bäinis Sr. | +10.07 | 73 | 78 |
| #2 | Jerkstar Sr. | +9.26 | 64 | 64 |
| #3 | Jerkstar Jr. | +6.37 | 76 | 64 |
| #4 | Quid PRO Quo Sr. | +3.81 | 62 | 60 |
| #5 | Charles von Sprayhausen Sr. | +3.56 | 69 | 79 |





