








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 105 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
448 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,070 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 289 | 27% |
| Smokes | 252 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 292 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 237 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $125,375 of utility $177 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 28 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Spray Charles Sr. | 67% | 3 |
| #8 | Schmandfaktor Sr. | 67% | 3 |
| #9 | John Porno V. | 64% | 14 |
| #10 | Charles von Sprayhausen V. | 60% | 5 |
| #11 | Jerkstar Jr. | 50% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Porno V. | 1 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Porno V. | 19 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #2 | Jerkstar Jr. | 16 | 0.21 | 0 min |
| #3 | Ad0nis der Bäinis Sr. | 15 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #4 | Cast0r Sr. | 12 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #5 | Schmandfaktor Sr. | 6 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A B S 1 C H T Sr. | +7.57 | 68 | 69 |
| #2 | Spray Charles Sr. | +6.48 | 61 | 71 |
| #3 | Cast0r Sr. | +6.31 | 74 | 70 |
| #4 | Donkey Sr. | +5.19 | 63 | 67 |
| #5 | Ad0nis der Bäinis Sr. | +4.20 | 66 | 60 |





