








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 264 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 266 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show 44 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2591 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,394 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 660 | 7% |
| Smokes | 1208 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 3842 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 3684 | 39% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,219,339 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 440 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ATG kwisch | 68% | 22 |
| #2 | patrino | 56% | 73 |
| #3 | Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz | 49% | 45 |
| #4 | UwU UwU Søda-San | 48% | 179 |
| #5 | Padenko | 47% | 77 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UwU UwU Søda-San | 25 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | ATG Mimon Abfaka | 22 | 0.0076 |
| #3 | WAYN. | 17 | 0.0069 |
| #4 | Koks in Schweiger | 15 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | Padenko | 13 | 0.0078 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ATG georgische Gzuz | 544 | 0.22 | 15 min |
| #2 | UwU UwU Søda-San | 449 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #3 | Koks in Schweiger | 318 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #4 | patrino | 297 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #5 | Padenko | 246 | 0.15 | 6 min |





