








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 211 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 157 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




64 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2092 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,009 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2012 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1663 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 2837 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2497 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $976,778 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 412 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ATG Mimon Abfaka | 28 | 0.0126 |
| #2 | Koks in Schweiger | 15 | 0.0082 |
| #3 | UwU UwU Søda-San | 13 | 0.0088 |
| #4 | Maurice | 12 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | ATG georgische Gzuz | 11 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ATG georgische Gzuz | 485 | 0.24 | 12 min |
| #2 | UwU UwU Søda-San | 180 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | Padenko | 176 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #4 | ATG Dompteur | 151 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | ATG Mimon Abfaka | 144 | 0.06 | 3 min |





