








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 318 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 320 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2744 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,161 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2591 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1958 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 4794 | 47% |
| Molotovs | 818 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,268,320 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 534 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | patrino | 64% | 53 |
| #2 | Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz | 53% | 32 |
| #3 | Padenko | 53% | 59 |
| #4 | ATG Dompteur | 48% | 114 |
| #5 | ATG Mimon Abfaka | 46% | 172 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ATG Mimon Abfaka | 40 | 0.0111 |
| #2 | UwU UwU Søda-San | 23 | 0.0066 |
| #3 | WAYN. | 20 | 0.0109 |
| #4 | Ferdi Frechdachs | 18 | 0.0099 |
| #5 | Maurice | 12 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ATG georgische Gzuz | 640 | 0.24 | 16 min |
| #2 | UwU UwU Søda-San | 433 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #3 | ATG Dompteur | 250 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | ATG Mimon Abfaka | 222 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #5 | Ferdi Frechdachs | 220 | 0.12 | 5 min |





