








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 91 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
839 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 970 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 68 | 7% |
| Smokes | 173 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 255 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 474 | 49% |
Our logs show you have wasted $53,536 of utility $23 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Glucose Guardian | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | MickeySquirt67 | 59% | 17 |
| #3 | Dungus | 48% | 25 |
| #4 | Deyone Gibson | 44% | 34 |
| #5 | Roodoo | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | schrimblo | 41% | 86 |
| #8 | SafetySpoon | 40% | 25 |
| #9 | CrazyJoven | 36% | 11 |
| #10 | wicko | 29% | 7 |
| #11 | wuju style | 20% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | niin o | 47 | 0.0209 |
| #2 | schrimblo | 16 | 0.0092 |
| #3 | Deyone Gibson | 7 | 0.0098 |
| #4 | Roodoo | 4 | 0.0301 |
| #5 | SafetySpoon | 3 | 0.0063 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | niin o | 215 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #2 | Deyone Gibson | 91 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | schrimblo | 78 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | wuju style | 28 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Dungus | 27 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Glucose Guardian | +6.92 | 97 | 42 |
| #2 | niin o | +5.51 | 96 | 52 |
| #3 | MickeySquirt67 | +2.29 | 84 | 48 |
| #4 | wuju style | -0.51 | 61 | 40 |
| #5 | Dungus | -1.15 | 63 | 37 |





