








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
336 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 834 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 141 | 17% |
| Smokes | 121 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 297 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 275 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $26,142 of utility $27 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | boterkoekje | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | Furt | 75% | 4 |
| #3 | david | 67% | 21 |
| #4 | ReplacingCrib | 60% | 20 |
| #5 | Miragro | 51% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Miragro | 51% | 37 |
| #6 | Geert de Palingroker | 47% | 15 |
| #7 | Beetlehunter | 44% | 16 |
| #8 | Masterchieff3312 | 41% | 27 |
| #9 | hugowh | 40% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Miragro | 9 | 0.0117 |
| #2 | david | 6 | 0.0138 |
| #3 | Masterchieff3312 | 5 | 0.0089 |
| #4 | Beetlehunter | 4 | 0.0122 |
| #5 | Geert de Palingroker | 4 | 0.0132 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ReplacingCrib | 75 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #2 | Masterchieff3312 | 63 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | david | 59 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | Miragro | 39 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | hugowh | 9 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Miragro | +8.55 | 77 | 24 |
| #2 | boterkoekje | +1.63 | 19 | 6 |
| #3 | david | +1.42 | 37 | 38 |
| #4 | ReplacingCrib | +0.13 | 37 | 61 |
| #5 | DIREKTORI | -0.48 | 35 | 20 |





