








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 480 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 141 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1504 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,427 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 819 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1191 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1034 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1383 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $861,130 of utility $218 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 295 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | OK | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | xImLeon | 57% | 14 |
| #3 | Der dreckige Dan | 53% | 15 |
| #4 | PandaFeatBear | 47% | 15 |
| #5 | 「Insanity」Jenslyツ | 46% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Captain Magma | 44% | 94 |
| #9 | ☣ mere ☣ | 42% | 31 |
| #10 | MrBitsch | 39% | 33 |
| #11 | Waltrude | 39% | 41 |
| #12 | Danny | 37% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 「Insanity」Jenslyツ | 5 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Namio | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Captain Magma | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Looten und Leveln | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | Der dreckige Dan | 2 | 0.0063 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Namio | 252 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #2 | 「Insanity」Jenslyツ | 206 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #3 | ☣ mere ☣ | 157 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #4 | Captain Magma | 150 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | Waltrude | 112 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xImLeon | +3.56 | 88 | 62 |
| #2 | PandaFeatBear | +2.65 | 57 | 76 |
| #3 | Looten und Leveln | +2.43 | 64 | 67 |
| #4 | 「Insanity」Jenslyツ | +1.80 | 59 | 80 |
| #5 | Waltrude | +1.38 | 70 | 60 |





