








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 36 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 129 matches | ||
| Premier | 59 matches | ||
| Wingman | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2057 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,394 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1118 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1654 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 2751 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2871 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,038,676 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 58% | 252 |
| #2 | Fcking Johannes | 57% | 160 |
| #3 | Ravenking | 56% | 68 |
| #4 | OG Jakobus | 56% | 138 |
| #5 | Tobi5826 | 55% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | OG Jakobus | 56% | 138 |
| #5 | Tobi5826 | 55% | 87 |
| #6 | StevieOk | 55% | 53 |
| #7 | Chear-iwnl | 52% | 27 |
| #8 | Flick N lick dude | 46% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 13 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Fcking Johannes | 10 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | OG Jakobus | 9 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Tobi5826 | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | Flick N lick dude | 3 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 1044 | 0.20 | 28 min |
| #2 | OG Jakobus | 504 | 0.18 | 15 min |
| #3 | Tobi5826 | 257 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #4 | Fcking Johannes | 211 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #5 | Ravenking | 183 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | +3.56 | 80 | 79 |
| #2 | Fcking Johannes | +2.01 | 64 | 61 |
| #3 | OG Jakobus | +1.61 | 66 | 75 |
| #4 | Tobi5826 | +1.38 | 74 | 47 |
| #5 | Chear-iwnl | -0.33 | 64 | 76 |





