








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 102 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 119 matches | ||
| Premier | 91 matches | ||
| Wingman | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3061 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,009 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1414 | 14% |
| Smokes | 3139 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2191 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3265 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $868,575 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 285 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | BLÅHAJ | 57% | 160 |
| #6 | StevieOk | 54% | 52 |
| #7 | OG Jakobus | 53% | 190 |
| #8 | Ravenking | 51% | 84 |
| #9 | Flick N lick dude | 44% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 16 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | OG Jakobus | 11 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Tobi5826 | 6 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | BLÅHAJ | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Ravenking | 3 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 1045 | 0.20 | 29 min |
| #2 | OG Jakobus | 649 | 0.17 | 20 min |
| #3 | Tobi5826 | 235 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | Ravenking | 222 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #5 | BLÅHAJ | 167 | 0.05 | 3 min |





