








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1831 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 673 matches | ||
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 91 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10225 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,959 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7340 | 25% |
| Smokes | 6885 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 8795 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 6939 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,979,869 of utility $210 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3682 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chear-iwnl | 61% | 44 |
| #2 | OG Jakobus | 61% | 87 |
| #3 | Fcking Johannes | 60% | 82 |
| #4 | ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 59% | 155 |
| #5 | BLÅHAJ | 55% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 59% | 155 |
| #5 | BLÅHAJ | 55% | 87 |
| #6 | StevieOk | 53% | 118 |
| #7 | nUg ₿ | 43% | 53 |
| #8 | GS_ian | 43% | 107 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 6 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | StevieOk | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | OG Jakobus | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | GS_ian | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #5 | Fcking Johannes | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 766 | 0.22 | 18 min |
| #2 | StevieOk | 325 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | OG Jakobus | 294 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #4 | Chear-iwnl | 173 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #5 | GS_ian | 162 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | +2.26 | 80 | 74 |
| #2 | Fcking Johannes | +1.68 | 63 | 61 |
| #3 | Tobi5826 | +1.15 | 78 | 54 |
| #4 | OG Jakobus | +1.03 | 69 | 74 |
| #5 | nUg ₿ | -0.05 | 82 | 55 |





